Thing 349 Wax Fireball

Curse you interwebs, you're a constant disappointment to me and millions of others. I hate when the internet lets me down. Remember Thing 2? It was Coke and Mentos Thing. It was supposed to be an explosion of cola and minty goodness that would have had the local kids sticky and covered in the freshest cola they ever had the misfortune of having rain down on them. It was supposed to be monumental in its explosiveness.

It was not.

It was instead, a slightly mellow waterspout of brown something that barely reached higher than my knee. Why? Because the internets lied to me. It showed me YouTube videos of fountains of cola that hit at least ten feet in the air and refused to ever come down. Much the same with the coke and mentos, the Wax Fireball turned out to be a massive disappointment.

Look!! I even boiled wax over the stove. Here's how the recipe for mediocrity goes. Melt wax, put it over an open flame, let it ignite, add water. Hey presto; fireball. God knows where the science behind this is, but if candle wax hits a certain point of temperature, it ignites and then it's forced to burst into flames. Melted candlewax hates water, or so I'm told, so if you add that, you've got yourself a fireball of epic proportions.

Yeah right. More like a fireball of mediocre proportions.
That's not a photo of the fireball, thank god, it actually got past knee height, just about. I got this suggestion from Spoon, and I thought it was awesome. Last minute Project stuff. I thought it'd be cool and stuff and that it'd be worthy of making a Thing by virtue of how many of my eyelashes it would singe off me. Total: ZERO.

Once the water was poured in it flared up to thigh height and only served to make me and Token Northy feel slightly depressed. Next time I'm adding dynamite. That might rock it out a little...