Friday, March 18, 2011

Thing 330 Scientology Personality Test

I've always been fascinated by Scientology. Not in the "can't wait to sign up" kind of way, more in the "how weird and sensational it seems" way. I can't get my head around it. It's their lack of sense of humour, all the while they preach about how honourable they are. It seems odd. Isaac Hayes, he played Chef in South Park, quit the show on the grounds that it mocked his religion too much. Tom Cruise is, well, he's Tom Cruise, and the less said the better, I don't want the man suing me.

It's a fully organised religion, which has it's own information department, which pumps out propaganda like there's no tomorrow. You should see it. The Scientology website has promotional videos. They're actually kind of creepy. Smiling people, pristine buildings, everyone grinning like idiots, and non stop talk about how amazing their religion is.

It's possible that I'm too long exposed to the mainstream media, and I've let South Park mock it for so long that I've started picking up the bad bits, but holy shit, do those people seem like they're bat-chit crazy. I watched the videos, half afraid that there was some way they might have been brainwashing me. Seriously, it was beyond creepy. Don't watch it, in case they get you...

Mental health is a big thing with these guys too. And they have personality tests for likely candidates to take. That's totally normal for any religion isn't it? To have your faithful congregation tested for personality defects? If that was normal for my faith, they'd probably be kicking me out. And God Boy too. Band Man also. Wow. We're a degenerate bunch of Christians.

So I took the test. It was long, and weird. It asked probing and strange questions. It went on for pages and pages. Non stop. "Do you think that your friends listen to your opinions?" A positive, negative or neutral answer box to tick for each one. "Are you a person who likes having responsibility?". "Do you experience black moods or rage". On and on it goes. If I'd been writing the questionnaire, I'd have definitely thrown in a few joke ones: "How much do you hate wearing pants?". "Have you ever wondered what a cat would look like if it could take off it's fur voluntarily?". My guess is that my line of questions probably says enough about me, and Scientology isn't famous for a sense of humour.

When it's all done and dusted, you've to take your reference number and head to the nearest Scientology Church to get your results.... Ammmmm.... I don't think so. In fact, I'll be avoiding the shit out of that one. I don't want to be brainwashed. I already love the leader.

Sorry. Bad Simpson's joke.

1 comment:

  1. ummmmm i dont know dan, those questions u mentioned up above sound like they apply???