Sunday, March 13, 2011

Thing 325 Committee Meeting

I've never been on a committee. I don't know how it works. Thankfully Dr Frasier is one of those people who likes to get involved with stuff and things, so he's been there. That's how he came up with the agenda. He played the role of "speaker" until we got a committee elected. I think somehow in my head, I confused "board of directors" with "committee" and insisted that everyone suit up. I mean I badgered people to wear a suit calling over to my house. Now that's assholery. "What? You're calling over? Wear a suit you bum". I've got a dress code for getting in.

A note on Spoon: When The Project was just a brilliant idea in my head (later to become the worst idea I've ever had. Stupid Project), I had a little leather bound book in which I wrote down all the ideas for Things that I wanted to do with the year. I'm pretty sure that of the first one hundred Things written into that book, sixty to seventy of them are his, or met with his approval. I'm pretty sure he was the first one in. So it's fitting he should be here, at the Project Committee meeting to decide the last six Things.

Honestly, I felt like we were mapping out the last days of my life. I'm pretty sure I'm still going to be alive on April 15th, I might feel like I'm dying, or wish I was dead, but I'll still be alive. Damn Committee Meeting made me feel like we were looking at my final days on earth. You better believe that if I know the times for those days I'll be doing something more fun than what these clowns mapped out for me.

So how fancy are we? We conference called to The Frenchman, because he wasn't at home. Sadly, because we're all giddy from wearing suits (I know how sad that last sentence seems), we basically spent the start of the conference call making ghost-jokes and fart jokes. We're not classy men. Then we moved on to elections. It didn't take long and here's what we came up with:

Chairman: Dan Mooney. Vice Chair: Pony Boy. Treasurer: Token Northy. Welfare Officer: The Frenchman (who promptly pointed out that there were no women on the committee. I nearly went upstairs and woke The Thief, who was napping, to add some variety... and take abuse). Blue Skies Thinking Co-Ordinator: Spoon. Secretary: Dr Frasier.

I personally love the idea of having a Blue Skies Thinking Coordinator. If I wasn't so excited about being Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra style, I'd be plugging for that one. As it stands though, chairman is pretty cool.

So I chaired a meeting of over-dressed barely post-pubescent "grown-ups" and we literally phoned in The Frenchman. The entire point wasn't missed either, we got some stuff sorted. I want the final few days of The Project to be big. Important. Immense. I want to hire Sky Sports marketing team to make new Things seem way more significant than they are. I want epic. I even booked the week off work, and that's no easy feat.

The Frenchman's contribution was to proceedings (as he drank a pint in Kilaloe) was not an idea, but a framework. Put the Things into categories, based on previous Things that were a success. Here's what we came up with:

Physically Exhausting.
Something that's a Treat.
Something Humble.
Something Unexpected.
Something Scary.

Here's what we've got: In the last six days I'm going to; Sleep in a haunted house. Swim the Kilkee Bay. Pose nude for an artist. Hire a limo for the day. Auction myself off, with the proceeds going to charity. The final one is a secret, but it'll probably be something fun for me. Someone calling Ray Darcy's show last week suggested that I should present that for the last day. Something tells me that's a non runner. How cool would it be though.

If you've got any suggestions or ideas for how to execute these, because we're at a loss, that would be lovely. Seriously, we need help, not just professional psychological help, but your help with getting these Things done. All suggestions welcome. About a month left folks.


  1. ray did a show about a haunted house in limerick a good few months back he'd have the address etc. its up by wolfe tone street. plus u cud get his help wit the auction.

  2. You can't swim Kilkee Bay. It's not June yet! Your family tradition demands that the first swim of the year be in Galway in June.

  3. Someone once said you should only wake a sleeping woman if one or both of the following occurs:
    1: it's snowing outside
    2: someone famous dies.....

  4. Sean you're dead right, but I think for The Project I'll make an exception. Much as I love my Whit Weekend swim. This year is a little different...