Then it does a brute force attack. If it was people, it would sound like this:
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Then it does a brute force attack. If it was people, it would sound like this:
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Pretty much like this blog. And it made no sense whatsoever. It was that racing almanac.
So I did.I digged through the List, and there was a great suggestion, I can’t for the life of me think who suggested it, to read a book backwards. So it had to be something else.It was closed though. It’s more than just a chippy you know. Anyway, I wanted to make today’s Thing all about eating the entire menu from Donkey Ford’s, the
It’s nerdy, I know, but I think I’ve picked out a few good ‘uns. Just as little extras that I think would suit people. In a nerdy kind of way I also got into the habit of giving gifts of books at Christmas.
World War Z (the most important zombie novel ever, in my humble opinion), and a racing almanac which Lester Piggot did the forward for. May You Live In Interesting Times (Conor O’Clery’s memoirs). Freakenomics.These days is a pretty mixed bag. My recent favourites include:
I couldn’t get enough. Books on cooking. Books on movies. Books on science like The Way Things Work. I read books on the lives of dead people: Gen George S Patton, Adolf Hitler and Martin Luther King. I branched out too. I didn’t limit myself though.
Then it got darker, slightly, with David Gemmell, which was a prelude to Robert Jordan… man, I will never get enough of fantasy novels. All in a relatively sensible novel for a young man. Dragons, knights, magic and heroes who started small but overcame odds and scored the novel’s hot chick. From Mr Dahl I moved into extra nerd with David Eddings. I’ve never been much of a sleeper, so I’d just stay up until I’d finished a book, and then start a new one all over again. I moved on, graduated to Roald Dahl which I read at a ferocious rate. That was just the start though.It started with a novel about a smart nerdy kid who invents his own pimple juice for getting rid of other kids’ acne and sells it to bullies, thereby teaching young readers a lesson that it’s okay to swindle people, as long as they’re complete douchebags. My Nana was fed up of seeing me with my face buried in some novel. I must have been the only kid whose grandparents were giving out that I wasn’t watching enough TV. I eat them for breakfast, has been that way since I was about ten years old. I devour books.
Yes, that's a giant grand piano on what I can only call a piano tank. The grunt work comes from getting it out of the van and onto the tank, and that's donkey's time to shine... Pushing and pulling is pretty basic, even I can handle that crap. So that's what we did. Three of us versus piano. A battle of wits, no wait, a battle of brute strength. On the piano's side: weight. On our side: a tiny little cylinder underneath the crate... genius. Ancient Celts thought of it when they were making Newgrange, but I'd have stood there all day without coming up with that clever little plan.
As I said, I can appreciate donkey work, it's what I'm good for. When Ci Ci Do was getting her attic converted, Puc It Out's dad needed a hand with the conversion. When I say he needed a hand, what I mean is that he needed some donkeys. The difference is that my donkey work here was going to cost someone 150,000 euro if it went wrong. That's pressure. Pressure's not just for tyres you know.
On the plus side, it gave me the chance to get back into the Wexford Opera House. Did I mention I'm in love with it? It also presented me with a great opportunity for posing, a skill I've acquired after years of practice.
It was a classy night out. And if I can pull off classy, you'll do just fine.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I should have used turnips. Seriously. The original Jack O Lanterns were made here in Ireland, with turnips. Which is a great idea, since eating them is fucking terrible idea. Eugh. Then we packed up half the country and headed to America, and found a bunch of giant orange things that were easier to carve than turnips, and the pumpkin lantern was born.
I won't lie to you folks. It wasn't pretty. Carving itself isn't tough, the skin's pretty flimsy and a sharp knife will do the trick, but the inside is a ball of complete disgustingness that's a little hard to explain. We have one large serving spoon type thingy that just bent in half when I tried to use it to scoop out the gooey, sticky, pip-filled insides, resulting in me having to use my hands. Which is just wrong.
So I bowed to the pressure of consumerism. I wanted to keep this Thing till halloween, and insisted to myself that it should be done on the weekend around halloween since any other time would be too early, but it's all over the shops now. In the windows and on the floors. Soon it'll be time for kids to start making their costumes, and young women will start planning what kind of sexy creature of the netherworld they're going to dress up as, while countless nerds like me wrestle with the idea of buying a jedi costume or finally get around to making that Borg outfit I've been swearing I'll make for the last eight years. Halloween is upon us folks...
Monday, October 18, 2010
It's another prank that I missed out on during childhood. I have to say, I was pretty much a goody-two-shoes. Sure me, Pony Boy and The Canuck had our moments (we'll leave it conveniently at that I think), but mostly I was a well behaved little lad. Quiet too. I know that's hard to believe, but I really was. In retrospect, I'm glad of this. Mostly because I know what it's like to be the sucker that has to clean up the TP shower too. I feel bad for that guy. I'm glad I never made him have to do it.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
What was some fun, surprise wise, was the look on the girl's face in the beauty salon when I walked in and asked for a manicure. In case you were wondering Eternal Beauty salon on Cruise's Street, so all of you men out there who care about having silky soft hands can form an orderly queue there. The girl at the counter looked positively stunned by the suggestion that I should want a manicure. I'm such clown, I do this nonsense for the amusement of people's reactions. I'm a reaction junkie. Her facial expression was my crack.
I can see why this is a relaxing thing for women to do mind you. It's hard not to be chilled by the scented candles, and while "soft hands" means a deft rugby pass to me, and nothing to do with grooming, I quite enjoyed the hand massage and the hand warmers I had to wear. Token Northy tells me I have sausage fingers. I know for a fact that I've got two of the hairiest fore-arms you're likely to see anywhere. Maintaining the semblance of some kind of care system for my hands is never going to be a priority. Twenty five euro is better spent on DVDs and petrol for the car (in that order). But I've got to hand it to them (pun intentional, and hilarious), the manicure junkies might be on to something in terms of relaxation.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Napoleon once said that an army marches on its stomach. Initially I thought wow, that's a massively impressive feat. I call that crawling, or worming, but I guess soldiers are trained for this kind of stuff. Then I realised the point. Can't go anywhere without grub can you? So he always made sure his boys were well watered and fed. Then he forgot that and decided to invade Russia in the winter time. Which apparently every major military leader tries at some stage or other. Seems kind of stupid. No good can ever come of trying to invade Russia. I'm digressing again. Sorry. So the point is, make sure the soldiers on the go have a good calorie laden meal to keep them active.
In the pack: Crackers, spreadable cheese, a lemon pound cake, "beef stew", a strawberry milkshake, chewing gum, coffee, tiny little bottle of tobasco sauce and matches. Also, toilet paper. They really think of everything.
All in all, there were just over one thousand five hundred calories in the meal. Which is actually the recommended daily amount for a man. Basically, all of your calorie needs, in one dinner. God only knows how much is in the breakfast and lunch packs. Makes sense really, soldiers are probably burning more calories than chubby bloggers, so they need more.
To get the full use of this ingenious little pack, I really should have been climbing a mountain, or at least off in the wild, but I'm a touch pampered, and more than a little spoiled. So... In my kitchen will do. And I think I'll order a pizza to follow it up... it's no wonder they keep calling me fat around here!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Obviously enough the first thing I went looking for is Aries. Not because I wanted it to predict my future, but because I wanted to see if it looked like a ram. That's the picture up there, judge for yourself...
Not that one... the next one...
Cassiopeia. Not because it's better than the others, but because it's squiggly and has a most excellent and interesting name.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The first significant problem on my journey to rolling a cigarette was of course, the ridiculous permanent shake in both my hands. I don't know where it comes from, and I keep promising myself that I'll go find out, but I never do. Everyone assumes it's a drink related thing - I think it's a coffee related thing. I've got way too much caffeine in my diet...
It's an art. What I can't get my head around is people who manage to successfully pull off this operation when in a crowded nightclub. It seems unlikely that I'd have the dexterity to carry this out. What's more likely is that I'd get frustrated, blame someone else and throw them some filthy looks.
Oddly enough, I got a second new experience out of the rugby. For the first time ever, Heineken Cup rugby in 3D. Which means goofy glasses and resisting the urge to push flags out of the way that aren't actually in your way. I think they filmed it like that deliberately.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I've also never made a smoothie in my life, so I may add that to the list, in which case, these bad boys will be top of the priority list. Taste puts them up there, but they're not the kind of fruit you'd have in the basket at home to give to visitors.