Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thing 350 War Fleet Bid
Observe, if you will, the HMS Ark Royal. It's an air craft carrier. Bet you've never tried to buy one of these bad boys? I put in a handsome bid of two hundred euro. Dr Frasier estimates that when it does get sold, it'll be for somewhere about the two-billion mark. Mine is a tad short of that, but I get the feeling they're going to be badly stuck for buyers, so I'm hoping they'll give my bid some serious consideration.
I didn't stop there though. What on earth is the point in having your own aircraft carrier if you can't put out a few destroyers to back up your flagship. So I bid fifty euro each on the HMS Exeter, the HMS Southampton and the HMS Nottingham. I'm going to have the best private fleet in the whole of Ireland.
You can definitely pick up chicks in an aircraft carrier...
Here's a funny story for you, and I can't for the life of me find a link to it, but it is a true story, I can 100% guarantee that (not a guarantee, terms and conditions apply, story probably true though, and if not, it should be). In the '90's the US was selling decommissioned military facilities, which included a nuclear bomb plant. A guy bought it. A week later the US Government realised their mistake. They'd accidentally made a guy into one of the world's nuclear superpowers.
Imagine the God-Complex that comes with that one. Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm a nuclear superpower. If your dog ever shits on my lawn again, there's going to be some serious repercussions... You definitely don't want to be the guy that cuts him off in traffic.
So here's hoping the British Government makes the same mistakes that the Yanks did way back when. Then I'll have a bigger fleet than the Irish Navy. At which point I'll make subjects of all of you, and turn The Sluggery into the capital of Ireland. Pony Boy can be the Minister for Fun.
I find it odd, and even a tiny bit alarming that this kind of firepower is so readily available on a public website. If you fancy buying yourself several destroyers and an air craft carrier, here's your chance...
So, loyal subjects to be, you better start currying for favour now, because not everyone is going to make the cut when I've got my own air craft carrier to kick all of your asses... Be afraid, be very afraid.