Sunday, March 20, 2011

Thing 334 Battered Chocolate

According to the world's most hilarious comedian, Danny Bhoy (no that's not incorrect spelling, look him up on YouTube, he's thoroughly awesome), Scottish people have terrible diets. In fact, I think he used the term "worst diet in the world". One of the finest dishes that they've imagined ever, in fact one of the greatest ever imagined dishes in the history of dishes that people imagined anywhere since someone looked at a cow and thought "mmmm, tasty" is the battered Mars bar.

Wow. Long sentence. It's a serious bit of grub is the battered Mars bar. Chocolate covered in the same batter they use to make battered fish, and deep fried. Because apparently some stuff is simply too unhealthy on its own for someone not to f*** with it. You know, because heart attacks are no big deal eh?

So we decided we'd try some for ourselves. When you've had a bad day, and believe me, this was one of the worst I'd had in a long, long time, comfort food becomes important and your mates become important. So I rounded up the crew, and a pile of chocolate and we started making batter...

How disgusting does that look? Don't answer that. I know I'm a pig... Pony Boy also weighed in with an outrageous and dangerous decision: Battered Skittles. Because the chocolate idea was never going to be extreme enough.

Remember how crap we were at making eggnog that ended up being frighteningly good? This is pretty much the same effect. Take a house full of relatively competent cooks, add whiskey, "batter" which earns those inverted commas by virtue of the fact that we'd only a vague idea of what we were making, and stir.

It's a recipe for deliciousness, a dreadful mess, and a lot of laughs.
We made the "batter", we got our chocolate, and we destroyed the inside of our deep fat fryer. I thought Tiny Fairy was going to be sick, and little flower excused herself from the room. Meanwhile the two diabetics; Dr Frasier and Lady Northy started tucking in. Hilarious.

And the deep fried skittles were AMAZING. Here's to Pony Boy. I'd love to tell you the recipe, but since we didn't know what we were doing at the time, it's a little hard to recall how to implement it all over again. Pancake batter will do just fine, but try to thicken it up a little so that it sticks to the chocolate a little. Turn the heat down on the fryer just a little and go nuts.

Blame me when you have your sugar crash.


  1. The counter is still sticky from that chip pan a full year later...... looks good though ;)

  2. thats whole mars bar in batter is crazy.... hope u r having a better day than the one u had this day!!