Thing 70 Play A Song On A Guitar

I got blisters on me fingers... I don't mean it in the iconic Beatles-rocking-it-out way either. I mean I've got big nasty blisters on the top of my fingers. And I love it...

I've owned two guitars in my life. This wouldn't be odd or unusual in itself if I could play the guitar. However, I cannot. The Frenchman gave me some lessons, but I always came up with some good excuses not to practice: I'm training for a marathon. I'm working all week. It's raining outside, and this has harshed my buzz. You're French, and I'll be damned if I do what some French chap tells me. Other than that... Nothing.

I do have some excellent guitar playing friends though. Top Cat is a whizz at the guitar, ukelele (it's a real instrument) and djemba (also real). Token Northy loves both his guitars and he plays them well. The Frenchman is a pro, and can rock out acoustic style or electric. Spoon slaps his bass. The Canuck might actually be some kind of guitar genius. So talented friends. Assholes. I've got the manual dexterity and motor skills of a Comodo Dragon.

Pictured: Comodo Dragon butchers Lynyrd Skynyrd.

God bless the Three Chord Trick. I hope at some point to play some rocking guitar, properly, but if you want to play a guitar just the once, having no skill or practice at all, and you've got about five hours to do it... Three Chord Trick is the way forward. D, C, G,G. Just like that. Except it's not just like that. Token Northy is a fine teacher. Patient. Encouraging. Just the right amount and tone of abuse to motivate me. The Canuck told me he wanted blood. Actual blood. I can't leave till he's seen blood...

Charming.

To make matters worse, Pony Boy walks in just as i'm getting the hang of chord-changes. He sits and watches for a few minutes. Picks up Token Northy's guitar, and about thirty seconds later he's jamming out what took me two hours to learn... Curse his dexterous, oily hide.

But it was done. It just goes to show what good teachers, a good guitar and a fistful of threats and some perseverance can do. I'm not winning any awards for it, but today I played and sang Sweet Home Alabama on a guitar.

Best Thing yet...