Thing 68 Tourist In London

Come gather you 'round children, and I'l tell you all a tale. There's no dragons in it. Or zombies. So all in all it's a pretty shit story. But it was my day...

Alarm at nine am. Woke at ten past nine. Check in closes at twenty past ten. Made it. Barely. Left my money behind. No sterling at all. No problems, I can always use the old bank card to get the job done. Not a chance sunshine - ATM card doesn't work in London. So, with just enough cash to get into central London, and literally not another penny, I hopped on a train.

The real tourist experience in London can only be achieved with alot of walking. When you've got no money, and nowhere to go, alot of walking is pretty much your only option. So in the space of three hours - Buckingham Palace and a far away shot of one of those weird looking guys with the Marge Simpson-hair-do-hats. Westminster Abbey where a bunch of Indian tourists took a photo of me sitting on my luggage. Big Ben, which I actually didn't see till I'd walked passed it. Westminster House, where Charles Stuart Parnell bored everyone to tears with obstructionism and The London Eye which had a queue about one hundred millions miles long (queue has been exaggerated for dramatic effect).

So the day was saved. Iphone finds WiFi connection. Interweb text to The Ginger Gem and Scrawmy Looby and then it's just a waiting game...

By the way; if you're in London, do not, under any circumstances, visit, or drink in the Westminster Arms Bar. I got the bums rush. "Only customers can sit outside the bar" she told me, in her unfriendliest voice. "Sorry", says me, "I'm actually stranded. I don't know London at all, and I'm completely broke. I'm just waiting on some friends to pick me up". She looks at me. "You're not a customer. Only customers can sit outside the bar". There were about three people inside at the time. No one else outside. "I'm sorry if it's an inconvenience, but as I said, I'm completely stranded. I'd just like to wait for half an hour for a friend to collect me..." She looks at me again, and this time, she looks like she might punch me. And that's no small thing - she's a big girl. "Customers only outside the bar. You're not a customer..." Welcome to London...

Ginger Gem and Scrawmy Looby took care of me though. We had pizza underneath a giant purple E4 cow, and pints outside in a beautiful beer garden... London's really looking up.

As for being a tourist. It happened by accident really. I'd wanted to go on The London Eye - that was supposed to be the Thing for today. But I found myself having too much fun. I'd been to London twice before today, but I'd never seen any of the attractions. I knew Westminster Abbey from an episode of Friends. Buckingham Palace from the picture on the Rubber Bandits music video and Big Ben from V for Vendetta.

So I'm glad I got a decent Thing out of London... even if I do hate the Westminster Arms...

P.S. Gotta love good friends... Ginger Gem and Scrawmy Looby really saving the day today. Thanks folks.