Thing 61 MCDonald's Only For A Day

Morgan Spurlock is my new hero. He's the star of Supersize Me, the 2004 documentary which follows him as he eats only McDonald's for an entire month. He's also the inspiration for this Thing, but aside from being inspirational, he's now worthy of the highest praise. I've never felt so disgusting. The word disgusting doesn't even cover it properly. I'm bloated. I'm queasy. I'm sluggish. I can't stop burping, and you really don't want to know about the effect this has had on my... ahem... functions. One day. I'm a poor, crappy version of Morgan Spurlock...

I do love the fast-food. I've got no ethical complaints with McDonald's, Burger King or KFC. The people in Dominoes Pizza used to know me by my first name. Later on in the list (much, much later on, I'm going to assemble the best in fast food cuisine), but I don't think I could drive past a chipper now.

It's supposed to be a treat. Once a week maybe. Or if you've been drinking (how clever do you think you are when the idea of a kebab occurs to you at three in the morning outside the club? For that matter, how attractive do you look when you're eating it, you sexy beast...?). In fact, there's nothing quite like the treat of a bacon double cheeseburger when you're of a mood. But three times in a day? At eight o'clock in the morning? I know. I disgust myself.

Recommended average calorie intake per day for a man, though it varies from person-to-person, is about 2,500 calories. If you're Michael Phelps the American swimmer, then it's about 10,000 per day. But if you're Michael Phelps then you're not technically a human, and so the rules don't apply. Here's today's run down.

Bacon and Egg MCMuffin: 346

Hash brown: 134

Latte: 210

Chicken Sandwich: 370

Large Fries: 400

Hamburger: 249

Large Coke: 310

Double Quarter with Cheese: 475

Large Fries: 400

Large Coke: 310

Total: 3,204

So begin the fat-jokes... now! Over a month that's 21,000 additional calories. Gotta love Morgan Spurlock. It took him fourteen months To lose the weight. Think I'll have to run another marathon... Or at least, put down the fork...

Pictured: Obesity. Barely hidden.