Friday, June 4, 2010

Thing 51 A Day Without Caffeine

The Project’s all about inclusion. And apparently degradation and mockery, but those things seem less important, and I’m at pains not to point them out less you all get back on that bandwagon… So when Bolag began goading me through her daughter about my ridiculously high levels of caffeine, I thought it only fair to prove that I’m up to the task. Or at least that I’m up to attempting the task and quickly hiding any evidence that might implicate me in cheating… I’m kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you. If I fail, I’ll let you know. You trust me right? Sure….


I’ve obviously gone a day without caffeine before. Who hasn’t? My ma wasn’t bottle feeding it to me the day I arrived kicking and screaming (and presumably talking nonsense) into this world. It’s safe to say though that Ican’t remembera day in the last 8 years when I haven’t had caffeine. Not once. Coke. Tea. Coffee. Red bull… well, I wouldn’t be the biggest fan of that last one, unless people start mentioning Yager Bombs… But most of all it’s coffee..

Glorious, magnificent coffee. In a latte with hot milk. Or a mocha with the chocolatey goodness. In a double espresso to keep me running all night. Sometimes with a hint of hazelnut or vanilla, or even caramel for when I’m feeling sugary. But best off all, black, and bitter, and smooth. Coffee… Sigh…

Go a day without it? Sure I could do it, but why would I want to? Are you saying I can’t? Calling me a failure? Well I’ll show all of you…

The headache kicked in at about seven o’clock. It started at my temples and felt like someone was attempting to dig a tunnel from one side of my head to the other. Prior to that, I’d suffered the jibes and barbs of having Pixie Head drink what can only be described as a criminal amount of coffee, just to taunt me. Then I started whining and giving out in equal measures. Apparently I’m an even bigger asshole when you take out my caffeine.

It’s funny when you think about it. It’s a highly addictive drug. Perfectly legal. We mix it into all manner of concoctions. It’s not just acceptable to take it at work, it’s kind of expected. You’re encouraged by people you work with on a day to day basis to drug up before you hit your office. 3pm slump? Have a hot cup of drugs. Wanna relax after work? Invite your friends to a drug store and sit around drinking drugs. Madness.

But I did it. They said I couldn’t, but I did. I just know I’ve made Bolag proud… oh ye of little faith they say.

Instead of coffee, maybe fill this with beer...