Sunday, June 6, 2010

Thing 54 Eat Tofu

Right, I realise from the off that vegetarians are going to be upset with this. They do tend to think that tofu is actual food. Or at very least, a close substitute. They're wrong. Look at that photo up there - does that white curd looking junk that's trying to pretend that it's chicken look edible to you? Didn't think so. I'm sorry vegetarians, but the next one of you that tells me that tofu is good, could potentially lose some teeth...

I don't want to have to punch you, understand? But it's for your own good. And another thing (I think the lack of meat makes me cranky), if you don't want to eat meat, that's your choice, don't tell me that tofu tastes like meat. You wouldn't know, and you're not qualified to make that statement.

I'm not veggist you understand. Some of the nicest people I know are vegetarians, but your lifestyle choices are wrong. Wow... That even looks a bit harsh from here. I completely disagree with them though.

In all seriousness though, I don't know how the veggies do it. I once had a Christmas sandwich that included three different types of dead animal in between a piece of gravy soaked bread. My sub of choice when strolling through town with The Canuck is either a BMT of a Club. Again, three different types of meat. It's how we got to the top of the food chain. Not by eating what effectively amounts to rabbit food. Sorry lettuce people.

So I dislike the veggie option. Not that I didn't eat it anyway. I'm a hungry bastard at the best of times, but there's just no substitute for meat. Crispy duck. Juicy steak. Succulent chicken. Bacon... tasty, tasty bacon.

I know this will upset some of you, but you can post your objections underneath. I'm off for a ham sandwich...


  1. You just didn't marinate it enough young Mooney....................:)

  2. The only way to make it the least bit palatable is to marinate it in Chicken stock - thus defeating the purpose I fear.

  3. Soy sauce, ginger, garlic... stick it in a stir fry with some veg and serve with noodles. Noone ever said it tasted like meat. It just soaks up whatever flavours you marinate it in.

  4. Ha Ha, reminds me of years ago when I was in a houseshare. Annoying hairy veggie housemate told me how you could boil milk with lemon juice, strain curds, and press together to form a "steak" assured me it was lovely! - Yeah I said I'm sure it is, but you wouldnt get the blood running out of the middle when you cut into it.

  5. funnily enough I'm watching a movie on TG4 now that features a spitroasted human - NOT LIKE THAT - laid out to be carved on a banquet table. Tofu's nice, nothing like meat! Not sposeda be.