Thursday, July 1, 2010

Thing 79 Sew Something

That's not my ass. Also, as occasionally toolish as I can be, I didn't sew the jeans while they were on me. Though I was tempted... I like coming up with little time savers...

At the best of times I 'm not a very practical man. I can change lightbulbs, car tyres and patch up the occasional damage done by years of wear and tear (or by one night of partying with Pony Boy and/or Newbie). I'll never make Bear Grylls or whatever he calls himself worry about his job though. I'm passable at best. Sewing, is, by it's very nature, a thoroughly practical activity to have mastered.

Seems only natural for me never to have done it. Played bat-the-lightbulb to pass time? Sure. Sewed anything, anything at all, at any time over the last 26 years? Emmm.... not so much. I hope this accurately paints a picture of the level of practicality of having me about.
First things first - this is not womens' work. It's in the Dangerous Book For Men (from which I absorb all my knowledge), and secondly we've moved passed that kind of thinking, right? Wrong. Laughed at all over town for this one. Oddly enough, the Token Northy didn't rip the piss - I guess he's a closet sewing enthusiast. The work people weren't so kind... If I wasn't already so manly my feelings would be hurt... ahem... moving swiftly onwards.

First significant problem. Mr Bean pointed it out to me (not Rowan Atkinson, the blog name I've given one of the lads - everybody gets one): I've got a horrendous shake in my hands. I don't know if I've ever told you that - I do have a habit of repeating myself (must resist the urge to type that again...). It's not immediately noticeable, but watch me try to threat a needle. Now that's amusement. Mr Bean took pity on me - and that's how sad it was. I fully expected him to guffaw till he fell out of the seat. But I got there in the end.

Now what to do...

I've seen this done on TV before....
Surprisingly easy. For something that I'd never attempted before, simply because I'd never done it, it was surprisingly quick and efficient. I realise that anyone with any sewing experience is looking at the picture up there at the top and thinking: Hatchet job. But I'm thoroughly impressed with myself. I'm not a completely useless lump. Anybody need anything stitched?


  1. Cardio surgeon all the way, forget directing traffic, think of the money!! :)

  2. Ok, saw your self confessed sewing hatchet job. I Think you have to try this one again - I reckon the definition of sewing something would be creating a useful object or garment by sewing it from scratch