Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Thing 84 Wash My Mouth Out

I know, I know... you're all bored to death reading about how much I swear, but I'm properly disgusted with myself. Today was my eleventh failed attempt trying to not swear for a day. I have a problem.

In the company of small children or old people I'm a thoroughly respectful. I watch my mouth. I wouldn't dream of swearing in front of people I don't really know or friends of my parents. But when I'm not tuned-in. When I'm not thinking fully... they just kind of pop out.

I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I lasted the whole of the morning. I had it written in front of me at work. It was written on my hand. I carefully considered almost everything I said, and I was even over-enunciating everything so as to keep myself focused. Then Chewey told me he was taking a half day.

"Wanker" I muttered... Dammit!!
My Nana was class. She was warm and friendly but tough as old boots. She'd a funny way of keeping us in line. Me and Thorny Wire would be tearing around her house like midgets on crack and she'd yell from the kitchen - "settle down or I'll give you what size boots fits you". I don't know what it means, but it worked. We behaved. We were also told that misbehaviour (which we did alot of, little hell-raisers that we were) would result in her "softening our coughs for us". Honestly, I really didn't get it, but we did behave...

There was no language in front of my Nana, you can be sure of that. Except that one time when Thorny Wire let a couple of them go and then legged it. Smart move that one. Legging it was wise. She'd a heart of gold, but little in the way of patience for misbehaviour or bad-manners.

I imagine that if she was here she'd tell me to wash my mouth out. Honestly though, I really was trying... Look... I even wrote it on my hand...
So here's the punishment. A mouth full of soap. It's the least I deserved for my potty-mouth (which is a fairly naff saying no matter which way you cut it). It's the kind of saying that's been around for ages. I don't imagine it happened on a regular basis, kids actually getting their mouths washed out and stuff, but I figure it must have happened to one or two of them somewhere along the line. Now I know how they feel. It's proper manky, and might actually do the trick and dissuade me from swearing. Attempt twelve tomorrow.

Twelve... I'll do this till I get it right folks. Or until I give up. You know... whatever's handiest...

1 comment:

  1. I tried giving up swearing once.

    I didn't get to fucking far myself either.