Friday, January 28, 2011

Thing 274 Chess in the Park

Americans do this stuff all the time. I've seen it on TV. Malcolm in the Middle, in the episode with George from Seinfeld. Independence Day with Jeff Goldblum and his da. Not something that would go down to well here though. Mostly because chess isn't really the sort of game that you play in the pissing rain. And that's kind of our default. God Boy was in India during Monsoon Season, he told them that what they called torrential rain over there was called a "soft day" back at home. Makes me laugh. So outdoor chess... not really our thing. Outdoor anything isn't really our style.

It's something I've wanted to do for ages though. Make me look smart and stuff. That's the thing about chess. You don't have to be any good, all you've to do is know the rules and whole entire armies of people are going to think you're smart. Like having a big thick book with a very serious cover. You don't have to be able to read, just be seen with it, people will make up their own minds about it.

So off we went. In the near dark, because we'd work that day, just me and Token Northy. We bumped into Blond Boss while we were there, and she generously offered to take photos. Sadly she was the only one to witness my apparent smartness, thankfully she was the only one to witness the absolute mugging I got from Token Northy.

I like chess. I'm not good at it, but I like it. I was demolished. Destroyed. Humiliated and embarrassed. I think I managed to snag one of his bishops. He destroyed everything else. I got into a huff. I don't like losing. I detest it. Even worse is losing to Token Northy.

Worst of all is losing to Thorny Wire.
I think my main problem is that chess is a game for tactical thinkers and patient people. Neither of these attributes can be ascribed to me. Impetuous is a good word, it's better than impatient. Impulsive is better than naive. Mind you, naive is better than "stupid as a plank" which is probably more accurate.

Next time I play chess in a park it'll be against a ten year old, and a not smart one. I don't want to lose out. Again.

Here's hoping for a fine summer, I'll get some training done and maybe I won't lose the rematch so badly.

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