Thursday, January 6, 2011

Thing 242 Eat Like A Pig

This is like those grainy photos taken of UFO's, except instead of being UFO's, it's a chubby guy on his knees, stuffing his face with cereal. I'm all class folks. All class.

You know I love the Things that involve taking everyday sayings and extending them literally. I also love eating. This is relatively common knowledge amongst my friends and family. I'm fond of my bit of grub. Eating like a pig... well, it suits me I think. In a bizarre way.

There's nothing that better sums up the piggy quality to eating, for me, or indeed anyone else in the world than the age old tradition of kebabs at three am after a night on the town, and there's no better photo to sum this up: Sorry Pony Boy. I couldn't resist.

Mind you, that photo up there doesn't exactly cover me in glory. And I could go into elaborate and disgusting detail about the amount of times I've pigged out (see what I did there) after a few beers. Of course, I've never literally got down on my knees and stuck my snout in a bowl... until now.

Seriously, I bet my mam is super-proud right now.

Manners are important though. Honestly, and I can't think of anything worse than sitting down in company with someone who does the stereotypical bad manners shit: eating with mouths open, talking with mouths full, spraying it instead of saying it. I'm really not bothered if you use a salad fork with your starter (gasps of shock from Dr Frasier, who'd have you whipped for that), but get the basics right. The point I'm slowly getting to, is don't fill a bowl with food and eat it on the floor like a pig.
Besides everything else, it's sore, and not something that's fun. In it's most literal form, it's not. The back of your neck starts to hurt really fast, and i got cereal in my eye. Which is extra crap, because Special K has sharp edges. Yes, I was eating Special K, don't even think about judging me. Turns out that evolution gave us digits for a reason... social etiquette.

On top of that, Pony Boy stood over me while I was eating, and mocked me pretty relentlessly. Which I guess I'd do if I was in his boots.

So to sum up: I'm disgusting, and I hope my mam's not reading this...


  1. Literally eating like a pig.
    A pig eating special K (hey, it tastes nice).
    Pony Boy watching you eat like an animal. There is so much irony in this blog I don't feel the need to make a smoart arse remark on it.

  2. Yeah, Dan's back missed you all the way from Peru, ye have a bit of catching up to do, hope your not sorry you started this project, keep it up I love reading about your shennanigans, you make me homesick, best of luck.