Sunday, January 9, 2011

Thing 247 Trolling

This is the funniest thing I did all Christmas. In fact, it's entirely possible this is the funniest thing I've ever done. Trolling, for those not aware, is the internet act of posting deliberately inflammatory or derogatory statements to illicit and emotional response from online users. Effectively provoking them into making tools of themselves while you laugh it up.

It's a real thing. I swear. Look it up on the always 100% accurate Wikipedia, which can be found underneath the word "link" at the end of this sentence: Link

When our internet was broken over Christmas (and being the drama queens that we are, we carried on like it was the end of the world as we'd known it, and all of our lives had changed, changed utterly), The Frenchman cracked a joke: "Quick, fix the internets, there could be people online right now who are wrong about stuff, and we're not there to correct them".

Ultimately, arguing on the internet is ridiculous. Much like dressing up to play a round of golf - even if you win, you still look stupid.
I don't know if you can make out those pictures or not, but I hope you can. These people really went after me in a serious way...

Here's how it all happened:

I sat down to do me some trolling. I found a Facebook group called: "Spending your cab money on shots and getting an ambulance home". Seemed like a fun group to be part of, I mean, we've all been in that boat right? No? Oh, I see, you're a decent human being... Well I'm sort of a degenerate. So it appealed to me.

There was this status update that they had put up: "If you take the time to correct the grammar of a group your a sad person wit nothin better ta do". I couldn't resist. I don't normally do this kind of stuff (unless I'm trying to wind up The Thief, then it's no holds barred), but I decided to start trolling with some grammar correction. At last a use for my Bachelor of Arts in English...

"Sorry guys, but "your" should be spelled "you're". One indicated possession while the other is an abbreviation of "you" and "are"". I won't lie to you they didn't like that... One of them started firing abuse at me. For the life of me I can't remember what he said, but I think it was something along the lines of: "Its a sad day when some smart arse thinks he cn just cum on a correct peoples speling". Or something to that effect... Immediate reply correcting the lack of punctuation for "its" and "peoples", as well as a correction of (the puntacular) "speling" error. That's when the fun really started...

Five or six of them attacked me, and I really mean they got personal, and quickly. I needed some back up. Who do I know that's smarter than everyone else? Dr Frasier to the rescue. He pointed his giant brain at them and began correcting mistakes and doling out condescending praise like there was no tomorrow. The two of us continued like this for about twenty minutes. The attacks getting more personal, but more grammatically correct as the time passed. We were weak from laughing. I mean, really, I had tears in my eyes.

That's when the mail started rolling in: Private facebook mail from people reading the posts. Here's a direct quote from one: "Do NOT stop what you're doing. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen... They actually hate you". Honestly people, don't encourage me like this! I shouldn't be encouraged.

For a finish, one of them decided to end his night with a long rant, and declared that he was logging out, to which I replied: "Cool mate. Sleep well". No one saw that coming...

Trolling is a stupid kind of pastime. Like I said before, no one ever comes out of an online argument looking good. Everyone just ends up looking silly. Particularly on facebook. But I actually had so much fun being a complete asshole that I sat down the following evening to start all over again.

I didn't of course. Who wants to be "that guy"? Nobody likes "that guy".

Good fun though...


  1. Man... u are so close to the finishing line..... can't believe how quickly the last 9 months went!!! Congrats.... proud of u....

  2. Had to go and do some lurking to find this but it was so worth it! Made me laugh!