Thing 139 Sarcastic for the Day

Pictured: Sarcasm in its cartoon form.

Oh yeah, sarcasm for a day. That's a brilliant idea. Genius. It won't be even a little bit awkward. You'll be totally fine being sarcastic all day. No one will object at all, and I won't sound like a complete clown, and no one will be offended...

Wrong. And that's not sarcastic. People did get offended. Many of them.

Sarcasm's a funny thing. In fact, it's a hilarious thing. If it's done right, and with correct timing, it can be honest to God, thoroughly, sidesplittingly funny. Think Father Jack in Ireland's favourite TV show; Fr Ted. "I'm so soooo sorry..."

For additional laughs, which my brand of "writing" cannot provide, click here.

A day spent being sarcastic is not fun. It's awful. Sarcasm is a language all of its own, and it's a language of extremism. There's no way to say, sarcastically, that you kind of like something. Cat Lady asked me today if I liked Lady Gaga. If I'd said; Nooooo. I hate Lady Gaga. She's terrible. She's unoriginal. She sounds the exact same as every other pop star in the whole world. What I'd mean is that I love Lady Gaga, and I think she's the most original person in the whole world. If I'd said; Ya she's amazing. I love her work. It's brilliant, unique and fresh. That would mean I hate her. I don't do either of those things. I like her okay, and I don't hate her. Try saying that sarcastically.

In fact, nothing can be middle of the road, sarcastically. And I'm a pretty middle of the road person, not sarcastically.

Conversation with the woman in the Credit Union was funny. She was not that impressed with my attempt at getting money. Because I said it sarcastically, she thought I was trying to lodge money. But i wasn't. But she didn't know. By the time we reached a point where I could get money, I actually wasn't sure what I wanted. Did I have money to lodge? What am I doing here?

The Frenchman has a thick skin. I've been calling him French for months and he's not objected. Pony Boy is used to me being a clown. So they're fine. Poor Cat Lady hasn't the head to put up with my nonsense. "Want to go for coffee?" No. That's a terrible idea. I'd hate that... "You don't have to be such a dick...

Seriously, everyone knows someone who you think is "sarcy". Did you think that they might have to put some serious effort into it? And if so, why would they? What's the point? As I say, every now and again, it's fine and funny, but all the time? Now I don't want to be your friend. Maybe that's why your bitter, and sarcastic, and the vicious circle continues...

Some of the lads in O'Connell's told me that sarcasm for a day wasn't really a challenge - and it has to be something new, and since I'm already sarcy it was neither new nor challenging. I promise... I'll never be sarcy again. Ever. Ever. Because I totally hate it now.