Thing 128 Buy A Vibrator

Unquestionably, the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life. Bar nothing. I'm not kidding, it's not a joke, I'm that much of a prude that walking into Ann Summers and buying a vibrator was nearly too much for me. I had my balls waxed on the radio, you'd think at this point shame and embarrassment wouldn't be an issue... you'd be wrong.

Eyes all on me. Everyone's judging. They know I'm going into Ann Summers. I'm a man, what the hell am I doing walking into Ann Summers? They all think I'm a pervert. That woman holding hands with those kids, oh god, she sees me heading to the door... don't do it. Turn around. Go to O'Connell's and have some coffee. Don't do it...

"Dan..."

Oh crap. Someone from work. What do I do? Panic. Freeze. No wait, that's stupid, I can't run now. Screw it. Stand here and talk to your work colleague in the door of Ann Summers. This couldn't get any worse. He knows you were going to Ann Summers. He'll tell others. And now everyone walking past can see you standing in the doorway of a girl's sex store... you look like a pervert...

Okay, he's gone. Just walk in. People do this everyday. There are loads of men who walk in here, just because you can't see them now, doesn't mean they don't come in. That security guard is looking at me. Oh crap. How hot is this place? My face is on fire. I must be absolutely scarlet. Damn my Catholic upbringing - I should just leave now...
I didn't leave, but most of that went through my head as i walked along Cruise's Street. If the point of The Project was to get me out of my comfort zone, mission accomplished. I got a little lost in the store. A nice girl asked me if she could help with anything - she must have seen the red of my face, hell, if I was outside the International Space Station could have seen the red of my face. I realised I was looking at party games. They all had little penis pictures on them. The vibrator section was across the shop, but there were some girls looking at the selection, and there's no way I'm standing next to them. So I'll just stand there and be embarrassed looking at party games with penises on them. You've no idea how embarrassed I was.
I eventually bailed on that plan and walked over. I never realised that sex toys were so expensive. It cost me 31 euro. Basically I paid 31 euros to be massively embarrassed for twenty minutes. But it didn't stop there...

Walk out the door with the Ann Summers bag, and the whole thing starts all over again.

I know that in the year 2010, in a modern, western country, it should be okay for a man to walk into any shop and buy whatever he likes, but that's just not the way it works. Too old school an upbringing to be able for it. Which is a sad state of affairs, but I think I'll be happy not to be a modern man, and never walk into a sex shop ever again...

I shudder at the thought.

Mind you, we weren't embarrassed enough in the comfort of our own home, not to take the piss... a lot. Poor Little Flower, she was so embarrassed. The Frenchman laughed all day and tried to set the little vibrating machine off on a little journey. And me, well I just laughed at my own embarrassment and took photos of Pony Boy. Sexy!!