Thing 131 Scam Baiting

Ever get a scam letter through your door? I did, and I was chuffed to bits. It was like someone in some foreign part of the world just volunteered to be part of The Project. Thanks scammers. Sound out!

Basically, someone sends me a letter telling me that I won the Amalgamated European Summer Bonanza. I'm to receive 836,000 euro in prize money, and all I've got to do is send them on my bank details. Nice eh? I think that was pretty generous of them.

Obviously the idea is that I send the details, and someone takes my money. This is where scambaiters come in. Have a giggle for yourself. Scambaiters. They basically make the scammers jump through hoops. As long as the scammer thinks there's a payout at the end, there's pretty much nothing that they wont do to get their hands on your cash. So the baiters attach terms and conditions. It's hilarious.

So I decided I do mine... Here's the back story. I'm a medium sized business owner of a company called Feckarse Industries. I'm middle aged, and a little dim. I want to take the 800 grand that I've won and put it into the company pension fund, the idea being to let these people think there's a massive payout coming at the end of the road. In exchange I want them to hold up a sign that says "down with this sort of thing..."

Here's the letter I faxed (P.S. Who faxes things anymore?):

To Whom It Concerns,

I read with great excitement of my good fortune in scooping such a large prize as the Amalgamated Summer Bonanza. I don’t remember entering the competition, but it’s possible that one of my company’s employees did it on my behalf. That’s just the kind of thing they’d do. Once, one of them bought me a scratch card, but I dropped it in my tea, and of course it was ruined then. It’s also possible that Ethell, my wife (or the trouble and strife as they apparently say in London, not that I’d know of course, I’ve never been. I found Dublin was too big for me – I imagine London would frighten the socks off me altogether), could have bought me one of the tickets as well. Is it like the Euromillions? I heard that a woman in Limerick won it once and she went crazy afterwards or something to that effect. Is it the same lotto?

Anyway, enough of my babbling, I do have a habit of going on and on. The recent recession all over Europe hit my company hard, and we lost 30% of our pension fund, so would it be possible to have the money paid directly into my business pension fund account? I’d rather if the pension fund was topped up then me getting any of the money. I’d have no idea what to spend it on anyway, I know the cost of a pint of Guinness is going up, but I don’t think it’s in danger of hitting the 800,000 euro mark anytime soon! Ha ha. Just a little joke. I’m a terror for the little jokes. Once I left one of Ethell’s bras sticking out from Mark’s top drawer in work. Everyone could see the top of the bra sticking out, and it looked like he’d tried to hide it himself. It was gas altogether. He saw the funny side, thank god. Ethell was none too impressed mind you. She’s a holy terror when there’s a bee in her bonnet.

Anyway my company Feckarse Industries is a small company, employing 30 people in the West of Ireland. We make small toys and related products for Irish television shows. Fr Ted is probably our most popular show. I’m not sure if it’s popular in Europe. Have you heard of it? I’m also faxing you a picture of Fr Ted. Because of the confidentiality of your letter, I’ve not told the company accountant, plus, I’d like it to be a surprise. Will this cause any legal issues for you? Our pension fund account information can be faxed to you if it’s possible for you to lodge it directly into that account. You can email me directly at danieljmooney@yahoo.ie at your convenience. Also, the guys at work would get a great kick out of it if you could help us with some promotional material.

Maybe a photo with a giant novelty cheque? Even better again, would you be so kind as to pose for a picture holding a sign that says “Down With This Sort of Thing”. I’d be very grateful if you’d help me out with this, as business hasn’t been great, and I think this will help kick start company morale.

Sincerely,

Dan Mooney

I really hope that I get something back. I'm seriously pinning some hopes on this... If not, at least I've had my fun. And I still have my money.