Monday, September 20, 2010

Thing 157 Eat a Blue Steak

Due to poor quality camera work, that steak looks more well-done than blue. I promise you, and you're going to just have to take my word for it, it was a blue steak. I can hear some of you asking: What's a blue steak? Alright, I can't hear that, I'm typing in an empty room, but for those who are unaware of the majesty of steak cooking, a blue steak is a steak cooked so little, that it's actually cold in the middle...

The Dan Mooney sliding scale of steak cooking it goes like this:
Very Well Done- why not just heat up some boot leather and serve it with chips? Also. why are you paying the price for a fillet of steak if you're just going to cook the unmerciful shit out of it? I mean, it barely even qualifies as meat anymore.
Well Done- I'll take a stab that the average price of a fillet of steak is about twenty five euro. For just two euro you can get a Double Cheeseburger at McDonalds. It's also cooked well done. At least the outside of it isn't charred...
Medium- Alright, you like meat, you don't like it bloody. That's fair enough. I think you're missing out on realising the true quality of the beefy deliciousness, but that's your prerogative. I wont call you an idiot to your face... I'll wait till you go to the bathroom.
Medium Rare- Now you're talking. Get some chips on the side of that. And some pepper sauce. Now you can soak up a little blood and some pepper sauce on your chips. Nom nom nom... Dammit. I'm making myself hungry here.
Rare- Eh... okay. You like a little more bloody, that's okay. You really want to savour the juiciness of the meat. That's okay too. Is it just the light in here or are your eyes a little red? Holy shit... Are those fangs?
Blue- Why not just walk into a field and take a bite straight out of a cow?
I've changed my mind about the sliding scale after last Friday. Once you go blue, you never go back (it doesn't rhyme, I'm aware of that, but I don't have the creativity to come up with some witty rhyme).

It was melt in the mouth deliciousness like I've never had before. I was put off ever trying by a customer who came into Moll Darby's restaurant when I worked there as a waiter. He said he wanted blue steak I got him his blue steak. He very politely said; "this isn't blue enough". I asked him how blue he wanted it (in retrospect, there's a sinister dirty element going on here too). His answer was thusly:

"I want to hear the echo of the cow's last heartbeat..."


It put me off the idea of ever trying it. That's where the stupid Project comes in...
So me and Token Northy decided we'd head for a bite and and test the waters of badly cooked meat. Odd waters them. By the way, River Bistro on George's Quay in Limerick. Awesome. A bit romantic for two fellas who mostly dislike each other, in fact, with the candles, and the other people in the restaurant who were clearly on dates, it was uncomfortably romantic. Lovely if you're trying to impress a potential romantic interest. Not so much if you're bringing your mouthy flatmate...

Sorry Token!!
Doesn't he look pretty there?

So all in all. Delicious. I don't think I'll go back to medium rare. From here on out, it's blue steak for me. But only if it's being cooked by a pro... I just don't trust some of these housemates of mine... :D

1 comment:

  1. A mate of mine was asked how he liked his steak. He said "cut the horns off it, wipe its arse and throw it on the table". classy guy