Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thing 150 Online Gaming

I'm a giant nerd. I really should have covered this ground already. If you read sci-fi novels, and watch Zombie movies and enjoy Star Trek (and even debates about Star Trek, I know, I know, it's sad) then online gaming should be your bread and butter. What you don't understand is that nerds fall into different categories, and Gamers aren't even considered nerds anymore... I know, shocking.

Online gaming these days is dominated by a new and dangerous type of nerd - The World of Warcraft nerd. The WoW nerd was portrayed with hilarious effect in South Park. Remember the episode where all the kids get uber-fat playing an online fantasy game? Yep, that' s WoW. That's not what all WoW gamers look like. Spoon's an ardent gamer. He's also a fine advertisement for gamers - because he's also cool and has a life away from his keyboard.

So I wanted to play WoW, but my laptop is craptacular, so I turned to the other bastion of online gaming... Halo.

Here's a fake internet word to accurately describe what happens next:

Pwned. It's also a link. You can click on it.

Basically it means humiliating defeat. Which is what I was treated to. There's nothing more frustrating during an online game than re-spawning and being killed. In my head, everyone else playing the game was 14 and knew that I was a noob, and took massive pleasure in pwning me. I don't like being pwned. I especially don't like being pwned by a 14 year old. I don't know why. Something to do with them not being born in the 80's I think.

"Okay then.. let's see... Ooooh there's a bad guy... ha. I'm shooting at y... Oh. Dead. Shit. Okay, respawn. Let's see if I can't get some of these little... oh shit. Dead again. Why does everyone keep saying pwned? What does that even mean. Alright focus, got some.... YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING. I JUST RESPAWNED. THIS IS RIDI.... COME ON!! THIS IS AWFUL. STOP TELLING ME I'M PWNED. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS YOU LITTLE DOUCHEBAGS..."

I haven't been this frustrated since I tried to make an origami swan. Now that I think about it, I probably shouldn't have done this without Spoon. He'd be a fine ally...

Next up WoW. In fact, if I don't start feeling better soon, I think it'll be a World of Warcraft bonanza for me. Anyone interested in the blogging ramblings of a internet gaming nerd? No? Okay. I'll be good.


  1. ahhh poor dan, i think you r getting sicker, hope u feel well soon.............

  2. Did you know there is a Football Manager online??? Look it up FM Live!