Monday, October 18, 2010

Thing 186 TP A House

Of course, when I say TP "a" house. I of course mean TP MY house. I'm not enough of a complete douchebag to tp someone else's house. And for those of you who've just read the last three sentences and do not count themselves as fans of acronyms - TP stand for toilet paper. I toilet papered my own house. So very much inspiration drawn from South Park and alcohol. A vicious combination.

It's not just South Park, other prominent cartoon children include Bart Simpson. I'm drawing a line though (cartoon pun, you can high five me later), under the suggestion that children could throw that high. If I'd failed to clear the top of the house with a throw, you might all enjoy a chorus of abuse along the lines of me having the throwing arm of a twelve year old, but when Token Northy fails, and Pony Boy nails it only a couple of times, you start to wonder...

Mind you, there are contributary factors that haven't been taken into account. Namely: Alcohol. Perhaps a snifter too much of it. The Thief, who moderates her alcohol intake, watched in horror as three grown idiots threw toilet paper over their own house. Laughed. And promptly forgot about it.

There's nothing in this life, or any other, more shameful than cleaning up that mess the following day. I begged silently for the ground to swallow me up entirely. My neighbours are thoroughly lovely people, I hope to hell we didn't wake them...

It's another prank that I missed out on during childhood. I have to say, I was pretty much a goody-two-shoes. Sure me, Pony Boy and The Canuck had our moments (we'll leave it conveniently at that I think), but mostly I was a well behaved little lad. Quiet too. I know that's hard to believe, but I really was. In retrospect, I'm glad of this. Mostly because I know what it's like to be the sucker that has to clean up the TP shower too. I feel bad for that guy. I'm glad I never made him have to do it.

I think I'll stick with practical jokes that involve ruining someone's facebook page. Half the time, half the effort and I don't have to feel like a girl's blouse for only clearing the house once in fifteen or so attempts...


  1. You can't high five a cartoon pun, you can only high four it.

  2. Eric Cartman in TeePeeing the Art Teacher's House: "Here's what I think of your art class, you god damn beeeeeeeitch." LOL