Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thing 178 One Arm Tied Behind My Back

Bah. You think you're tough? I could beat your ass with one arm tied behind my back... No one's buying that, mostly because I'm small and weak looking. Kind of chubby. Plus I recently got my ass handed to me. But you get where I'm going with this. It's an interesting turn of phrase.

So what can I achieve with one arm tied behind my back? The point of the expression is to illustrate how easy some things are. So if you think someone else is particularly bad at something, or you're highly confident of your own abilities at a given task, you can trot out the old "one arm tied behind your back" line.

So what am I especially good at? Surprise surprise, I can order take out with one arm tied behind my back. And even read the menu while I'm at it. Not so hot with the paying for grub with the same handicap. Pony Boy and The Frenchman were no help either. The stood in the living room laughing while I shouted for some back up, and the chap handing me the food looked massively confused. Understandably, since I'd turned around to shout into the living room and he could clearly see that I'd an arm tied deliberately.

What must have he been thinking? There's some weird shit going on in this gaff... too right.

What else can I do? Well I can kick The Frenchman's ass on Soul Caliber for the XBox. One arm. Only one hand to control my character in a beat 'em up game, and I can win it with one arm tied. Same against the computer. Not so against Pony Boy. I beat him in the first round and his ridiculous competitive streak came out and he started screaming at the telly. Distracted me.

In my favour was the fact that I was playing with Yoda. How does one lose with Yoda? He's awesome all the time.

Eating dinner was a chore. Rice requires a knife to usher it on to the fork. Other things that are difficult: Dressing, and as a spin off, undressing; cleaning; driving (I thought about it, but didn't try it, there are kids living in this estate...); typing; oddly enough, texting.

From now on, every time I hear the expression from someone else, I'll ask; ya but could you beat Soul Caliber? I'll look like a weirdo but I'm comfortable with that...

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