Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Thing 188 Carve a Pumpkin

Stabby stabby. No Limerick jokes now please, but I'm a dab hand with a blade if I do say so myself. Got some veg to chop? I'm your man. Want to use a knife to, very stupidly, perform basic DIY about the house? Call on me. Wanna look oddly intimidating by eating an apple entirely with a knife... well, I'll leave that to you. But you will look kind of cool, I promise.

The point is, while I let myself down with many, many Things. I can chop good. Bring on the pumpkins.
I should have used turnips. Seriously. The original Jack O Lanterns were made here in Ireland, with turnips. Which is a great idea, since eating them is fucking terrible idea. Eugh. Then we packed up half the country and headed to America, and found a bunch of giant orange things that were easier to carve than turnips, and the pumpkin lantern was born.

You thought the pumpkin was an American construct? Nope. All us. They just made it popular. Ever remember being a kid and watching The Simpsons' Halloween Special and knowing what a pumpkin was, despite the fact that you'd probably never seen one here? Weird eh?
I won't lie to you folks. It wasn't pretty. Carving itself isn't tough, the skin's pretty flimsy and a sharp knife will do the trick, but the inside is a ball of complete disgustingness that's a little hard to explain. We have one large serving spoon type thingy that just bent in half when I tried to use it to scoop out the gooey, sticky, pip-filled insides, resulting in me having to use my hands. Which is just wrong.

After the scoop is done. It's a simple case of carving in a charming evil smile and two lovely evil eyes, sticking in some night lights, and hey presto. I'm thoroughly chuffed with my efforts you know.

They're basically the symbol of halloween now. Along with bangers, fireworks, bonfires, sexy nurses, sexy rabbits, sexy vampires and other sexy related things that people think are costumes. Oh and relentless cruelty to animals. That's a halloween thing too. Seriously, if you've got a pet, keep it locked up for the next few weeks will you?
So I bowed to the pressure of consumerism. I wanted to keep this Thing till halloween, and insisted to myself that it should be done on the weekend around halloween since any other time would be too early, but it's all over the shops now. In the windows and on the floors. Soon it'll be time for kids to start making their costumes, and young women will start planning what kind of sexy creature of the netherworld they're going to dress up as, while countless nerds like me wrestle with the idea of buying a jedi costume or finally get around to making that Borg outfit I've been swearing I'll make for the last eight years. Halloween is upon us folks...

Time to stock up on sweets, lest our gaff get egged for being cheapskates... Kids still do that right?

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