Monday, November 15, 2010

Thing 216 Clean the Floor With A Toothbrush

You know what I was thinking the whole way through this Thing (besides; ouch my knees hurt, and this floor is too damn cold)? I was thinking: Shrimp cocktail, barbequed shrimp, shrimp sandwiches, shrimp burgers, broiled shrimp, fried shrimp...

Ten points to anyone who got the reference straight away, a slap on the nose to anyone who doesn't recognise a Forrest Gump quote when it's thrown at them.

If I was wearing a hat now, I'd tip it to The Man Who's Sellin Croon. This was his brainchild. I put him right on the spot too. You see, I got up early this morning, on a day off. This is such a rare occurence I'm surprised it wasn't listed in Revelations as one of the signs of doom... The natural order of the day now completely destroyed, I was entirely unable to decide what to do as my Thing for the day. Token Northy says ring The Man Who's Sellin Croon, and hey presto - idea in seconds.

Here's why I love the idea: It's iconic. It's movie, military punishment. It's hazing for frat boys in American TV shows. It's instantly recogniseable as just the worst kind of shitty task you could ever assign to some poor miserable clown who knows only too well how bad it's going to be.
Here's why I hate the idea: All of the reasons I just said above.

I realise that doesn't make sense. What I mean is that I like the idea. It's a real Project kind of experience. I hate the execution, because like many of the other "real Project kind of experiences" it's going to hurt, take a long time, be boring and leave me cranky. It will also probably involve some form of abuse... I hate being right about these things.
As you can see, our kitchen floor is tiled. I decided to adopt a grid approach. Tackling individual tiles in a grid pattern to optimise efficiency. I abandoned this plan after ten minutes because I thought it was ridiculous to have a plan for how to clean my kitchen floor with a tooth brush. Hot soapy water. Toothbrush. Knees. That's exactly the kind of plan needed. A short list of things you should have constitutes a plan.

Cinderalla didn't have it this bad. Mind you, she only had to put up with a bitchy family. I have Token Northy, who made tea and fired his used tea bag on the floor and scorned me with a look that said "pick up my mess peasant". Hard to talk trash to the man when I'm on my knees with a dirty toothbrush.
All in all, about an hour's worth of work, though admittedly I got increasingly lazy about how thorough I was going to be as the task progressed. I won't lie to you, there are one or two tiles closer to the door that were barely scraped with a brush. Am I ashamed of this half-arsery? A little. Are my knees grateful? You betcha!!!


  1. I don't like to reign on your thunder here, but there are in fact 31 days in October and 30 days in September, so have you missed out on those days or have you shoved them all into November, seeing as you have 19 things completed already in November?

  2. Never fear, I brought an umbrella! All the Things were done on their appropriate days, but I was lazy about blogging. The list on the side only counts the days the blogs were written, and as I say, I was lazy.

  3. I hate to RAIN ON YOUR PARADE, anonymous contributor, but only zeus reigns on thunder. (or maybe Odin if you swing that way). Sorry to STEAL YOUR THUNDER.

  4. These comments make me smile today... reign on your thunder, that's so funny. Identify yourself Anon!

  5. That is hilarious! You still kept up with it even if you knew right away it was going to be hard work. Cleaning like this can remind you that it's hard work to clean the floor meticulously. Perhaps for your next project, you can try cleaning the floor with an industrial automated floor scrubber. See for yourself how fast and how effective cleaning the floor can be. You can also try it outside, like your garage or the sidewalk. It'll definitely be a better and more productive experiment than cleaning with a toothbrush.

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