Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Thing 299 Photoshop

Editing the shit out of pictures is the kind of thing that people just do all the time. Some award winning photographers turned out to be frauds when it transpired that they'd taken the technology that smart people made for them and turned it to their nasty little means, resulting in fakes. Meanwhile some clever, funny and bored Canadian students visiting their mate in Mary I in Limerick a few years ago, showed me how to photoshop the crap out of pictures for funsies. Thank you Canuck.

Thing is, that I never actually bothered to do it myself. There are a few reasons for this. First: It takes a meticulous amount of careful administration. Attention to detail. I get distracted when someone dangles car keys in front of me. Two: When you've got someone good at doing this stuff, let them do it, don't be trying to get this crap done when you're clearly a lazy bum. I'm not talking to you, by the way, I think you're lovely, I'm talking to me. Which makes me a weirdo. I know. You already knew this too, surely. Three: It takes patience. I don't have any. And I mean none. I want it now, or ten minutes ago. So I let The Canuck take care of all the photoshopping. now it's my turn.

What to edit? Edit myself into a WWE ring, clobbering the living bejaysus out of Razor Ramone like I promised myself I'd do when I was ten? How about a photoshop of me along side Steve Jobs, being best buddies ever? No. I opted to photoshop out a pic of the only celebrity in Tinseltown who's close to me heightwise. Smaller than me, by the way, before you start mocking.

The patience required is actually a little daunting, since it takes a serious amount of time to individually pick out my giant fat head from a photo and place it on to an even gianter, fatter head of Tom Cruise. To be fair, I do look better with Katie than he does. I look smugger too, if that's possible.

If you want to know what I think the secret to good photoshopping is; it's layers. Everything is in layers. You can take a whole bunch of photos and, with the aforementioned patience and meticulousness, pick individual parts, people or objects, and lift them directly into other layers. There's a lot of chopping. You can see I've gone slightly wrong with this one. The head's too large, and the colour's slightly off, but that's because I don't have The Canuck's sense of dedication and I got bored and pretty much gave up...

Best I could come up with before stole my attention... speaking of which... I'm off again...

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