Sunday, February 13, 2011

Thing 290 Shotgun a Can

I know that the actual purpose of The Project was to break me out of a comfort zone, and that there are few things in this world that I'm more comfortable with than the idea of a bunch of cans, preferably hammered home in shocking time, but it's still a new Thing and it still counts...

Kind of surprising that it's new though. I'm pretty sure that'll come as a shock to the people I went to college with. We weren't exactly shrinking-violets when it came to parties, and we were relatively experimental when it came to different methods of alcohol delivery systems. For example, Newbie, Badger and Little Squirrel were all famous for drinking neat whiskey from a pot. Classy boys. I hope you're reading this.

So considering that's the kind of company I kept (and continue to keep) through college, I think it's pretty amazing that I never shotgunned a can before.
Now, the messers from college are scattered here, there and everywhere. For example; Badger lives in London, Little Squirrel just landed a smashing job lecturing in Irish over in the United States and nobody's seen or heard from Newbie since 2006. He's presumed armed and dangerous... We presume this because that's how he's always been.

So with those bums not around to show me how to shotgun the can... How am I going to learn how it's done? Enter: Pony Boy. The taller, funnier version of me. Of course he knows how, and even has a little key that's ideal for the job.

Alright, here comes the science bit...
Once the can has been pieced at the bottom, and quickly covered, the trick is to open the can at the top, then there's something about a vacuum, and physics comes into play somehow, something to do with Isaac Newton and voila; a whole bunch of beer rushes out the tiny hole and the can crumples. At this point it's all about swallowing or choking. I'm not a fan of the latter so I gave the former a shot.

Fifteen seconds from full to empty. I resisted the urge to crush what was left of the can with my head, frat-boy style. I've already done that for this Project.

Pony Boy kicked ass though. Less than ten from full to empty. Legend...

It's not my style though. Drinking like that was fun when I was in college. These days I'm more refined... but don't look into that too deeply. I'm not exactly squeaky clean in the department.

My old college gang would be ashamed of me...

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