Thing 270 Cut a Cigar

I get given out to by people who wish that some of the Project stuff was bigger and bolder. They want madness, all the time. Twenty four hour, dizzying, non-stop pantlessness. They want explosions, public humiliation and self flagellation (that word doesn't mean what you think it means). Mostly, I just want cool Things. Stuff that makes me chuffed. Cutting a cigar makes me chuffed. I know this, because I did it once.

Have I told you a like a good cigar every now and then? I don't mean on a night out, or if I'm in bad form to cheer me up, I mean for very special occassions. Band Man getting engaged and coming all the way home from Oz to propose to his lady - that's a cigar moment. Spoon turning twenty-six on the same day that I run a marathon - that's a cigar moment.

Speaking of which... Here's the most awesome cigar moment photo I have...
Suits, beards, champagne and two fat Cuban cigars. What's not to love about this picture?

Anywho... Like I say, when the time is right, I like a cigar. Thankfully the tail end of this year had some stuff worth celebrating. We were telling 2010 it could kiss our collective arses on New Year's Eve, there was Band Man and his happy news. Top Cat got himself a fancy job in the media... lots of Things (may there be many more says you). So I've been popping in and out of the tobacconist like an I-dunno-what. We're on first name terms. But every time I go in there, I have to ask them to cut my cigars for me...

Not anymore. This time I splashed out. I bought a proper cigar chopper. Yep. I spent money frivolously and for no reason. My friends will not be shocked at this. I consider it an investment though. An investment in looking like a guy who is either a) A complete douche bag or b) A complete hero. This will be decided arbitrarily by anyone who's standing nearby when I produce a cigar cutter and proceed to chop my fancy giant Cuban and blow tasty delicious cigar smoke in everyone's face...

It's a surprisingly fine art is cutting a cigar. Too much and you risk unravelling the paper, too little and you're going to make a balls of the cut. That's why the first time you do it, should be under supervision of an adult with experience (I don't know why I said adult there, it's not like there's a small army of children who are learned in the ways of cutting cigars, walking around wearing tiny suits with tiny shades... boom... we've got an idea for a sitcom...). Even if asking for help from the man in the shop does make you feel like a child.

To be fair, I am quite tiny and wee... childlike is a pretty solid description for me to boot.