Thing 255 The Angry Parking Letter

Alright, I won't lie to you, this one did not get done without some reservations, and just a teeny bit of guilt afterwards. Aside from anything else, it was done on Christmas Eve - hardly what you'd call festive now is it? In case you hadn't noticed, by this stage, some of the festive spirit was waning just a tad. After the Eve of Christmas Eve debacle, and another night shift, I was facing into a last minute rush to get the last of my shopping done... Look, no more excuses, I was just feeling like a dick-head. In my defence; I couldn't get into my car. I'll get back to that...

Here's what the letter says (because my handwriting is just awful):

Sir/Madam,

Congratulations, that is a truly magnificent job you've done on parking.

You've defied the laws of physics to make that car take up more space than it actually occupies.

In case you're unaware, I'm being sarcastic, you park like a blind monkey.

Merry Christmas

It was the second edition. The first had more swear words in it.

I'd come back to my car all ready to go home and do something festive for the Project, but I wasn't feeling it. And I mean, I really wasn't feeling it. Scrooge himself was merrier than me. I could hear Dean Martin singing Silver Bells in my head, and I felt like telling my head where it could shove Deano's Silver Bells. Except you know, that's a little insane.

So I was at my car, ready to head for home, then out to my Mam and Dad's for a sneaky one with Thorny Wire. I couldn't get into my car though. There wasn't the space. The car next to mine was literally inches away from the driver door. Rage building...

I shook my head and considered slashing the tyres... I jest!!! Come on, you don't think I'm that crazy do you? I was livid though, until I realised it wasn't the car next to mine that was the problem. It was the next one over, who'd parked arse-ways in their spot, forcing the car next to mine to squeeze into a disproportionately small space. Right. That's it. I'm writing an angry letter... again!

I'd seen it a week or two before, in The Crescent Shopping Centre. Token Northy spotted a horrendously parked car, which someone had left an angry note on. I was inspired. Seriously though, if you're driving a car then you have the mechanical skills to park it. If you're a considerate human being you've got the character to NOT take up two spaces... It drives me insane. Wow, lots of references to insanity in here eh?

So after the deed was done I drive off. And then the guilt kicked in...

What if it was a sick person, I mean dying sick, and this was there last day to live. They don't have time to park up properly, and you've ruined their last day. What if it was a doctor rushing to the aid of someone ill. That man or woman is a hero, and I'm some tired clown bag who thinks he can mock them. What if it actually was a blind monkey, then I've mocked an incredible achievement that he was able to drive the car in the first place.

I felt bad for about ten minutes.

Ultimately, I take the time to park appropriately and conveniently for other road users. Most people do. So... you know...

Don't you look at me with those judging eyes.... You've thought about doing it, I know you have. You just won't admit it.