Thing 266 Spit off the Overpass

I know I know... the picture is tiny, but I had to get some kind of image in there, and this is the one that inspired this Thing. Funny that Bart Simpson should be an inspiration, frankly, he's a little bit creepy when you think about it. Firstly; his hair is skin coloured and seems to actually just be an extension of his skin, secondly, his voice is that of a middle aged scientologist, thirdly; The Bartman is still weirdly catchy after nearly twenty years... Nonetheless, if you're in your twenties then you grew up with him.

I remember in the late nineties you couldn't turn on the tv at about six o'clock without seeing The Simpsons. It's like there was a Simpson's episode on every channel... Which was no bad thing. My favourite is still the one with Mr Byrne's trying to make a suit out of puppies. There was nothing un-funny about that episode. But I digress...

Once upon a Simpson's episode (all good stories should start like that), a motivational speaker came to town and told Springfield to "be like the boy". That is, be like Bart. Everyone promptly ran to the overpass to spit off it. Causing multiple pile ups.

And a Thing for the Project was born.

Thankfully, I'm not a sociopath, as far as I know any way, so I'm not so much in favour of multiple pile ups. In fact, I'm against the idea. Have been for some time. So there's a time and a place for this... execution is everything.

Token Northy had dropped me into town, since we were going in for a coffee, but since he likes going to gyms and doing healthy stuff, and I'm a lazy, lazy man, he took off, leaving me to make my own way home. I dawdled, more because going home was going to involve effort than anything else, and I ended up heading for home at about ten at night. Vibrating slightly from all the coffee.

Also, to add insult to increasingly obese injury, I took a cab since I didn't want to walk from the bus stop to our house... (Stop judging me, again). Hilarity ensued. I asked the cab driver to stop in the side lane of the new overpass by The Crescent. I dodged out and boosted myself up, but there was traffic coming, so I got back down. Like I say, I'm not in favour of pile ups, and I'm also not in favour of spitting on someone's window. That's just rude. I'm pretty much against spitting in general, but a Thing's a Thing.

I waited. The cab driver looked at me. I signalled for him to wait a second, and tried to look causal. Boost up again. Another car coming. Back down. The cab driver, a friendly chap in his late fifties I'd guess, was now staring at me. I signalled for him to wait again. Tapped my feet a little. Rubbed my hands together. Boosted back up... Another car coming... Wow, well at least people are using the toll right? At this rate we'll have the entire Limerick by-pass paid for by next week. The cab driver is still staring at me. I'm looking at him, wondering what exactly he thinks I'm up to. Boost back up again... clear.

I feel disgusting and a little guilty. I spit off the overpass. At nothing. No one's anywhere near it, and I still feel like I've just committed a crime for which The Gardai are going to be banging on my door in the next ten minutes... I still get nervous when I hear a knock...

I got back into the cab. Driver looks at me; "You okay", he asks politely...

"Ya, sorry about that lad, I had to spit..."

Silence the rest of the way home. As the Dubs say; Scarlet for myself.