Sunday, April 3, 2011

Thing 352 Reality TV House

That there is a screen-shot of our kitchen. It's one of the recordings made while we were streaming. Emsie made the suggestion that since I hate reality TV so much, I should rig up my own reality TV show here in The Sluggery. Genius. Invite the entire world to watch me scratching my junk on the couch while I watch old action movies. Who doesn't want to watch that eh?

So we set up three webcams; One in the living room to watch us while we recline. One in the kitchen to watch us making dinner. One on the kitchen window-sill to watch us smoking cigarettes on the deck. Big Brother eat your heart out. Now if only we had a Geordie to commentate on everything we were doing it would have been aces.

After the initial excitement of getting everything set up it got kind of boring pretty quick. Dr Frasier was watching from home. He got bored after fifteen minutes and started urging everyone to kiss each other to liven the whole thing up. Think he's got some voyeur issues.

We tried to liven up the every day tasks. Making lunch while on a unicycle was interesting. Token Northy's combination of unicycle and crutches made for fun viewing. Particularly when he fell. That's always comic gold. We tried wearing funny hats and wigs while we watched television, and I did a little shaking of my rump while I cooked. But it was all pretty lame. I mean, there's only so much you can do to spice up what are pretty ordinary tasks.

I felt we were getting a little boring. I turned on the ustream channel to see the number of viewers. At any one time there were about fifteen people viewing. Fifteen people watching me shake my ass while I made fajitas. It's not an especially fine ass, there's little in the way of excitement or eroticism to this. Big Red described it as the "worst porn ever". He's an absolute gent of a charmer. Smiley face.

We played pictionary and chilled out, while eighteen people watched us. It's a strange ass feeling knowing that people are watching you chill in your living room. We all pretended we weren't self conscious, but I totally was. Pony Boy left and headed for Little Flower's house. I know that he says it was because he wanted to, but I'm thinking it was to get out of the glare of public attention. He couldn't deal with the fame. Stardom is too much for some people.

Mates were texting me all day to tell me that they could see me and found it too voyeuristic to continue watching. Some people stayed tune though. So we had some wine and we cracked out the guitars and the harmonicas and started a jamming session. Hell, we even took requests from people, that's the kind of decent giving people we are.

Total Views of The Deck: 154
Total Views of The Living Room: 484
Total Views of The Kitchen: 314.

That's a lot of people watching nothing but us. Apparently reality TV is just that enthralling.

About the height of the excitement was spotted by Little Sister and I don't think a whole lot of other people. It was about half one in the morning. Lady Northy cracked out the Sing Star, she sang It's Raining Men with me, Token Northy and The Frenchman as back up dancers.

God I hope no one was recording that one... One thing is for sure, I definitely don't like reality TV any more now than I did before.


  1. WHY am I only hearing about this now??

  2. Someone's clearly doesn't "like" the Project Page on fb, I was updating it most of that day. You missed out on being mildly amused...

  3. I 'liked' it!! I missed out big time.

    I did see you on the telly though...

  4. I'm totally famous since me and Pat were on the box! That's my thirty seconds of fame done with... Now what to do with myself?

    Seriously though, you didn't miss much. It was just us hacking about.