Monday, December 13, 2010

Thing 236 Toast Bread on the Fire

This is a brief summary of how I operate. Put in other terms; it's how I roll:

I love a bit of toast. I also love microwaveable popcorn. The reason I love them both; you let technology work and do its thing. When it's done doing what it does best, we're set to go and I get to have good times. With butter. Nom nom nom. It's not a sex thing. It's a taste thing. You've got to get that head of yours out of the gutter.

Here's not how I roll (grammar's important, but succinctness is even more crucial): Doing stuff that takes effort and time. I'm a lazy, lazy man. I opted to toast bread because, like so many things in this life, I've not done it because it is both ridiculous and requires effort. Here's how I want my toast (and if you pretend it's not how you like your toast, then you're a liar): Pop into the toaster. Walk away, boil the kettle, make the tea, get out the butter (not real, I want Dairygold), and slap it on. Tea and melted (sort of butter) on toast. I've barely had to walk a few feet.

For this Thing, I took a long pointed fork thingy type dealie, and speared the bread, then I took it and sat next to the fire, burned myself a little (including singed arm hair), and waited till the heat toasted the bread.

Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long. And it was better than toaster bread, the main downside being that I had to burn some arm hair to toast it. I wasn't particularly fond of the arm hair, it's just the principle.

There's something quaint and rustic about sitting down by the fire and making your own grub, granted I didn't have to cook a meal, just hold my arm in the fire, but on nights when it's minus four outside and you've a roaster of a fire lit and nowhere to go, nought to do but relax, it's nice to take a moment for yourself. Even if it means losing some precious arm hair.
It's getting close to Christmas. Light yourself a fire. Sit down on your ass and stick on a movie. Toast some bread and relax. For all the effort, which I hate, this was still lots of fun. Oddly rewarding too.

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