Monday, December 6, 2010

Thing 232 Nunchaku Lesson

Ten Reasons The Canuck is in fact, a ninja:
1: He appears suddenly, as if from no where. One minute you're sitting having a cup of coffee on your own, then suddenly he's next to you.
2: He can grow a full beard in a day. In the morning, his face is bald, and in the afternoon he's stubbly, by evening time he's got a full beard. It so he can disguise himself better among the hairy.
3: He once fought a car. And won.
4: He's had bones broken and refuses to wince. In fact, he's pretty much impervious to pain.
5: He once punched a bouncer who was trying to set his dislocated knee, and then got paid by management of the club by way of apology for his punching the bouncer.
6: He knows what I'm thinking before I think it.
7: He once had a phone that had no key pad, no protective cover and a cracked screen but retained the ability to send texts and make calls.
8: He ignores physics.
9: He's unaffected by cold. Even in this weather, he's wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
10: He can use nunchaku and taught me how...
For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fans out there, this was the weapon of choice for Michelangelo. For people who are not fans of the show, at no point did a cartoon contend that a Renaissance painter was proficient in Japanese martial arts, Michelangelo was the name of one of the Turtles. Mind you, how cool would that be. Painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling, and in his spare time beat up Samurai's who were attacking the Pope...


I tangent quick...

Anywho; Where we got the nunchaku is none of your bee's wax, they're not exactly legal, but The Canuck is highly trained in their use. He gave a little demo before he started the lesson. The things blurred in his hands and he fairly decapitated several tree branches and frozen bits of wood. If he hit himself once, he didn't show it, but like I say he's impervious to pain and ignores physics, so he's got a bit of an edge.

He's got the temperament for martial arts training. Discipline. Determination. Other characteristics that begin with D. Some additional characteristics that begin with other letters. Take my word for it.
I'm not about to write a ten part list on why I'm not so out for martial arts, but if I did the words "chubby", "clumsy", "awkward" and "ungainly" would feature prominently. Along with some less flattering words. For a full list contact Pony Boy, God Boy, Token Northy, Thorny Wire, The Frenchman and yes, even The Canuck.

It should suffice to say that on a bitterly cold evening I was not so sharp with the nunchaku in my hand. I beat myself solidly about the head and shoulders for a while. My crossover, which invloved flinging the weapons behind my back with one hand, and transferring over to the other hand resulted in some fairly heavy bruising. The thing is, there's nothing to teach you quickly like stinging pain. By the time ten minutes had passed I was catching and swinging with sharp, quick ease... It was that or flake myself all over again.
That picture there is third or fourth time I cracked myself in the shoulder blade. May I suggest that nobody tries this at home. There's little to be said self inflicted pain, plus, unless you're a secret Canadian ninja, or at least have years of practice, you're just going to look silly.


Next up... Pirate lessons! Yeargh...

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