Thing 234 Human Christmas Tree

I know, I know, I was just starting to catch up on all the missed blogs, and then I let it backslide again, I'm very aware that this is disgraceful carry on...

Anyway...

Ever seen Scrooged? It's the 1980's version of A Christmas Carol, it stars the single greatest comedic actor of all time: Bill Murray (no, that's not open to debate, and yes, I've head all the alternative options, for me, it's still Bill, by a mile. I've digressed again, back to Scrooged: There's a scene where the downtrodden family of the over-worked secretary ask their mom for a Christmas Tree. She promptly says no. They wrap a bunch of lights around the smallest kid. He looks cute and pathetic at the same time. That's pretty much what I was going for. I think it's mission accomplished. Cute and pathetic are pictured below...
We decided to shop for our tree, which reminds me of a story:

Last year I lived with Clo Bear and Blonde Boss. As the man of the house, I felt it was my duty to pick out the house Christmas tree. I wondered into town armed with my money, and my savvy and haggling skills. I saw them, they saw me and they knew they'd met their match in terms of haggling...

I spotted the tree I wanted. Fifty quid I said. No way they said. I turned to walk away. "No wait" she cried, "forty five euro". I turned back to her. I'm not paying over forty. It's all I've brought, and it's all I intend to part with. "Okay" she said. And I smiled like the cat that not only got the cream, but also won a lifetime access to a dairy and found the ammunition for a dog repellent gun. I handed her the cash. She said thanks and I went to take my tree... At this point, a smart man would have walked away....

"You know sir", she said (calling me sir, way to butter me up), "this tree here is a far nicer tree. It's about a foot taller, and it's much bushier at the end". I looked at it, wrapped up, and could tell from looking that it was much more full at the bottom... I did not look at the top. I grinned at my good fortune, and I took the new tree.

What I got was a Christmas tree version of a dumb-bell. It was full and bushy at the bottom, full and resplendent at the top, it didn't taper out and get narrower, and it was completely bare in the middle. Like a free weight made out of tree. We put it in the bathroom under the stairs and called it "Toilettree". It was horrendous. I paid forty euro for a pine scented bathroom freshener that was six feet tall...

I'm a shark at the haggling. I think I can still hear that woman laughing at me in my Christmas nightmares...
So when you consider that, this year's human tree is a massive improvement.

I was so caught up in the spirit of Christmas and all about getting the tree put up, that I kind of let most of the day go by without doing a Thing. That's when The Thief suggested that instead of dressing the tree, we should dress the idiot (that's me). I've never seen Pony Boy so enthusiastic about making a tool of me. And that's something that's very close to his heart. Seriously. He's a big fan of that.
Smashing fun had by all. We may have indulged in Christmas fun afterwards, but if you can't enjoy Christmas pints, well, there's something wrong with you.

P.S. Scrooged is the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Watch it.