Thing 229 Tantric Meditation

Now doesn't that look suspiciously like a cult? Don't worry, I'm not in that picture. I'm not even in a cult. How boring is my life? I should really join a cult, it'd be an interesting way to socialise. You know, meet some new people...

Right, first and foremost; tantric meditation is not specifically to do with sex. I know, I was disappointed too. I jest. It's nothing to do with American Pie and that slightly creepy nerd character who almost gets off with a plant in the second movie. It's about bettering yourself in the universe that's having you. Namely this universe.

"The spiritual art of love...of connecting spirit and soul. It is experiencing love through the beauty of the earth and all existence. It is about acceptance, rather than deniel. It also embraces compassion...about truth within unconditional love..."

I feel I've been sadly lacking in the unconditional love department. So much so, that I failed to even unconditionally love the webpage I was using for advice on the subject. Instead I judged it for spelling "denial" incorrectly. I also considered punching Panda in the face the other day. I really need to consider how much I lack the whole unconditional love thing. For example, I don't even know Simon Cowell, but not only do I not unconditionally love him, I kind of want to punch him in the face too...

I guess that put me off to a bad start. Nonetheless... I persevered.

I set up my place. I brought an uplifting book to read from briefly as was suggested. I even had a fresh flower nearby. I sat down, crossed the legs (this is hugely uncomfortable for me, I've got the knees of a seventy year old man, and the flexibility of a lame cow), and started to draw deep breaths...

Breathe in... two count... breathe out... two count... breathe in... two count... check my phone... two count... breathe in.. what's that noise... breathe out... send a text... right. Starting again. Breathe in... feel stupid... breathe out... feel ridiculous.

The problem with tantric meditation is that it's utterly pointless unless you really expect to get something from it. Clearly, I don't have enough faith in the methodology to feel anything other than lame and bored. But I decided to try finishing out the half hour anyway. No point in giving up after five minutes.

The next step is to think about your relationships, with friends, family, colleagues, whatever you like. Think about them... I wonder what Pony Boy is making for breakfast... Will Token Northy help me to pick out a new car in the new year, he seems to know what he's talking about. I wonder if The Frenchman weighs more than Thorny Wire...

I'm definitely missing the point by now...

I won't lie and tell you I spent half an hour at this. Even with no one else in the room and complete privacy, I felt like too much of a clown to bother with a full half hour. It was similar to the spirit guide quest. If you don't have faith in the process from the start, how are you expected to achieve anything. I hope tantra works for others, because the message itself seems like a good one. For me though, dead loss... oh well.