Thing 296 Dress as a Woman

Yeah. That's me. Dan Mooney. I'm a twenty six year old MALE, who apparently can make a pretty passable woman. Pony Boy will never recover. I think he threw up in his mouth about fifteen times. The Frenchman looked ill, and while she helped, I think Little Flower was secretly disgusted with me too.

Initially I had help from Pony Boy and The Canuck, who helpfully looked up how to make male cleavage online, and then taped up my recently shaved chest to make it look like I'd boobs. It was upsetting on many levels. How many times in your life will you thank two of your best mates for duct taping fake boobs into your chest? Speaking of upsetting, here's a photo of me putting on a bra... I'm not what most people will call sexy...
After that, the cavalry arrived. There's no way a bunch of dudes are going to be able to womanify me to the standard required. I'm not talking about looking like a Drag Queen, mostly because I look like that when I put on a wig and have a few drinks, so there's nothing new about that. I was going for proper woman, or at least to see if I could convince friends and family that I'd pass as a woman. I like to think that based on that photo up there it's a case of mission accomplished. But for that kind of look, the cavalry really was required...
Enter Little Flower, Clo Bear, Talker, Tiny Fairy and Blond Boss. A note on Blond Boss - the woman can get so excited that she's like a six year old child, stuffed with skittles, coke and crack. She's an absolute legend though. And she painted my face goodo. I think it was needed. The more makeup the better, I'm hardly an oil painting as a man, trying to look convincing as a woman is going to require about two and a half inches of makeup.... at least.

Just look at that photo. Is it weird that I'm trying to look down my own top every time I see it?
When we were all done applying two and a half hours worth of makeup to my face, and stuffing me into a pair of shoes, it's time to hit the town. It was CiCi Doo's birthday, she's been my older sister since I was born. So the four siblings decided to go for a few bevvies. That's drinks for those who didn't get that. Poor Thorny Wire didn't know where to look, the man was never so uncomfortable in all his life. "I've feckin' three sisters all of a sudden", he said, with a scowl...

So there's his three sisters: Me, Bean Bag and CiCi Doo.
Yep. This is the weirdest, strangest, most unsettling night out ever. We hit five pubs, Blond Boss joined in, and I spent the night looking for friends and people I knew, popping over to them in the pubs, tapping them on the shoulder and seeing if they'd recognise me. Not a lot of them did. In retrospect, when you're a man, dressed as a convincing woman, the last thing you should be doing is drawing attention to yourself.

Mind you, the reactions were funny. The lesson learned: High heels are dreadfully uncomfortable. Sympathy for all women who wear them. I feel your pain sisters.