Thing 183 Military Rations

A meal ready to eat. If this is what soldiers call rations, I'm signing up, immediately. Well, that's not true, it's not good grub, I won't lie, but it's pretty comprehensive as a meal pack goes. Ever remember Campbell's Meat Balls? They came in a tin and they had that catchy ad; Campbell's Meaty Bouncy Meatballs... they're so much funnnnnnnnnnnnnn.... That's pretty much what the stew tasted like. So effectively, it wasn't unlike dog food.
Napoleon once said that an army marches on its stomach. Initially I thought wow, that's a massively impressive feat. I call that crawling, or worming, but I guess soldiers are trained for this kind of stuff. Then I realised the point. Can't go anywhere without grub can you? So he always made sure his boys were well watered and fed. Then he forgot that and decided to invade Russia in the winter time. Which apparently every major military leader tries at some stage or other. Seems kind of stupid. No good can ever come of trying to invade Russia. I'm digressing again. Sorry. So the point is, make sure the soldiers on the go have a good calorie laden meal to keep them active.
In the pack: Crackers, spreadable cheese, a lemon pound cake, "beef stew", a strawberry milkshake, chewing gum, coffee, tiny little bottle of tobasco sauce and matches. Also, toilet paper. They really think of everything.

On top of this was the most ingenious little chemical heater ever. Lord only knows what it was made of, but when you pour water in, it reacted in the bag, which also has your vacuum packed meal, heating the pack to an insane degree. Cold water suddenly becomes boiling hot and your "beef stew" is ready to rock.
All in all, there were just over one thousand five hundred calories in the meal. Which is actually the recommended daily amount for a man. Basically, all of your calorie needs, in one dinner. God only knows how much is in the breakfast and lunch packs. Makes sense really, soldiers are probably burning more calories than chubby bloggers, so they need more.
To get the full use of this ingenious little pack, I really should have been climbing a mountain, or at least off in the wild, but I'm a touch pampered, and more than a little spoiled. So... In my kitchen will do. And I think I'll order a pizza to follow it up... it's no wonder they keep calling me fat around here!