Neglect and You

I've neglected you... I know. For that, I'm humbly sorry. I'd like to tell you it's because I was hugely busy and engrossed in all manner of deeply important things, but really it's just because my house doesn't have internet, and I'm too lazy to visit my parent's place.

But anyway, that's not what's important is it? We're friends again right?

Since the last post I've learned an important lesson. Fat, chain smoking, heavy drinking short people shouldn't run. I know GodBoy and BandMan are going to get a serious kick out of this, but I've been training for the marathon. I figured that if I'm going to actually complete the list, I may have to do some training. Ever seen a Fat, chain smoking heavy drinking short man trying to run? You'd crack up laughing. Hell, I'd crack up laughing if I wasn't struggling to breathe.

The worst part was the start... forty minutes of running followed by fifteen minutes of dying. I could see Blue... He was glorious... Then who pulls in next door only Limerick Senior Hurling centre back and all round legend Brian Geary. It's hard to be a short fat guy choking to death while an Adonis of the modern game of hurling pats you on the back. And it gets worse...
Having run up one side of the hill, gravity takes its natural toll, and even though I don't want to - I find myself running down the other side. Sweat pours off me, my eyes wide in abject terror as I can see no way of slowing myself down except maybe running into a large tree at the end, when from the road there's a "beep". Paul O'Connell sitting in his Lexus gives me a thumbs up.

How depressing. I'm convinced that my beer-belly and gravity are conniving to kill me, or at very least run me into a tree, and the only ever Young Munster man to Captain the Lions gives me a thumbs up...

They tell me it'll get better - soon I hope. Watched Run Fatboy Run last night... Nothing was ever so appropriate.

Anywho... to the list.

Since the last time, I've managed to make some serious headway, but I'm getting stuck now. We're up to 258 Things. That leaves 108 Things to go...

Please. Seriously. Help. I need 108 more things before April 14th. Anything you can think of helps, and if you're stuck, spread the word. The more the merrier. Here's the updated stuff - if you want to see the full list, just add what's here to what's on the last blog update.

Since we last spoke I've added:

Have my fingerprints taken
Crush a can with my head.
Get my shoes shined
Have a car boot sale.
Be in a parade.
Go on a gay night out.
See the book of Kells
Barter in a department store
Do a mensa test
Eat only red food all day
Hire a bouncing castle
Kick a rugby penalty
Skateboard holding a moving car
Be Goth for a day
Swim Kilkee bay
Speak when spoken to
Smash a walnut with a sledgehammer.
Wear a free hugs sign- give hugs
Make a tree swing
Visit an old folks home
Offer free lifts from the airport.
Get a business card made
Limo ride with the sunroof open
Beauty spa treatment
Flip a pancake
Make pizza from scratch
Learn to moonwalk
Eat an insect
Play softball
Play ultimate Frisbee
Build a raft
Take out a personal ad
Colonic irrigation
Swim with a dolphin
Sew a hole in something
Down a pint of Guinness
Full body massage
Do the table cloth magic trick
Send a message in a bottle
Pull a handbreak turn
Wear pyjamas going grocery shopping.
Wear fake nails.
Attend Gamblers Annonymous
Make some jewellery
Make an oil painting
Rent a sports car…
Burn a book.
Snowboard.
Wheelchair for a day.
Pretend to be a mannequin
Buy women’s underwear
Buy a vibrator
Go Christmas carolling
Take a pregnancy test
Make sock puppets
Go wild flower picking
Break a window with a baseball bat.
Try to read a book backwards
Buy shares in something.
Jump from one tree to another
Cycle a unicycle
Cut someone else’s toenails
Dress like a scumbag and go for a pint.
Wear leather pants
Couch surfing in limerick
Build a wall
Spend an entire car journey tied up in the boot
Giant Art Attack
Tee off into the ocean
Make a lemonade stand
Speak klingon
Find another Dan Mooney (not family) go drink…
Eat snails
Eat froglegs
Collect someone at a bus stop.